Its saturday and i have nothing to do today. all i plan on doing is playing on the computer. My friends probably wont call or invite me out because they think i'll probably let them down. Well they're letting me down. the only thing i have to look forward to is X-Factor tonight. How Gay (Stupid gay, not gay gay). And my life right now is exactly the same as it always was, wakeup at 7.00am get brekkie, get a bath, go to school, do lessons, go home, watch friends at five, go on computer, watch telly, go to bed. That is my day people. its just so plain. i want change. i know this is just the typical teen day and it allways will be, but somewhow i want to change my life around, i wanna quit school but i know i cant because iam only 14. I have to wait till iam 16 and ive finidhed my GCSE's. Most people dont beleive iam in year 10 and soing my first exam next month. I thought i'd change in y10 but its still as stupid and crappy as year 7. I used to love school though, i still do but onley because HE is there. Even if my friends didnt go, i still would, just to mabey see him, just a glimmer or a smile, a wave a chat. Ive liked him for 2 years and i havent passed that just friends phase. I know iam in love. But i also know i'll never be able to ask him out because iam so damn shy. So is he. Possibly hes Gay? Who knows. But i know that theres a light at the end of this dark teenage tunnel, Adulthood. I cant wait. i know i should enjoy my teen years and being free and young and spirited, but i dont feel any of that, i feel trapped by life andi juat want t break out of this hard shell that ive been building since i was 5. i dont know how. i cant pretend to be something ima not, iam not gonna go shouting about and making a fool of myself. i want to go dancing in the rain in the street adn i dont want to care who looks at me and what they think. i want to be diffrent from this boring blonde i have become. i want to be mysterius, challenging and free. i want to have the rights of an adult, to be whatever i wanna be and let everyone know it, i want my first kiss and my fist love and i want to travel and see the world and see the people and see the life that id love to have. But theres one thing standing in my way. Money. Everyone wants it, nobody has it. how to get it? jobs? Lottery? Chance? All i know is that people will see me someday and some small teen girl will say in her blog, i want to be that girl. Niamhanna.

Love, Me x